The Oldest Profession

The Oldest Profession Lyrics

The Oldest Profession Song Lyrics

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SONJA
I'm worn out and weary.
I ain't no machine.
My head hurts, my feet hurts,
And everything in between.
I'm getting too old for the oldest profession.
I'm getting too tired and too slow.
I'm getting to old for the half hour session.
I'm getting too old for a pro.
I'm getting too old for to climb all those stairs, now, A half dozen times every night.
I'm getting too old for to take em in pairs now, Or to take off my clothes in the light.
I can't seem to manage these Shriners who manage To manhandle me every trip.
To tell you the truth, I've had so many Shriners I'm up for membership.
When I was sixteen it was fun turning tricks.
I needed the money, and I wanted some kicks.
But I ain't sixteen; I just turned twenty six.
It's time to come in from the cold.
Looks like I'm getting too old.

HOOKER (spoken)
Twenty six?

SONJA
Watch yourself.

HOOKER
You say you been in the life ten years? How many dates you think you been on?

SONJA
I don't know. Lacey, get me that calculator, let's figure this out.
(Sings)
Say five johns a night, six nights a week, Of course that was back in my prime.
So that's thirty johns a week, fifty weeks a year Cause I always visit mama at Christmas time.
So that's thirty times fifty, multiplied by ten.
Holy sh*t, let me do that again.
After ten years in the trade, I really made the grade.
It says here I've been laid by over fifteen thousand men.
I'm tired of doing these deadbeats and pikers And haggling over the price.
I'm tired of spending the weekends a Rikers.
You never meet anyone nice.
I've done everything that a body can do.
But how goddamn much can a body go through?
I'm getting too old for the endless procession.
I'm getting too old for the constant depression.
I'm getting too old for the oldest profession.
I'm getting too old for the life.
I'm tired, tired, tired, tired.
I'm weary.
I'm getting too old for the life.