Toll Booth Willy by Adam Sandler
:::car pulls up:::
Toll Booth Willy: Welcome ta Wista! Dawla twenty five please.
Driver1: Hey! How ya doin Toll Booth Willy?
Toll Booth Willy: Goood, thanks for askin pup.
Driver1: That's great, considerin you're a f**kin idiot. (drives away)
Toll Booth Willy: GO f**k YOURSELF YOU SON OF A b**ch! I'LL COME RIGHT OUTTA THE BOOTH AND f**kING WHACK YA! YOU f**kIN PRICK!
Driver2: Hey, hey Willy how's it goin?
Toll Booth Willy: Hey can't complain pup. How's by you?
Driver2: Oh great great. How much?
Toll Booth Willy: The state charge is a dawla twenty five pup.
Driver2: That's fine. Now should I give you the money or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass Hee Heeeee (throws quarters, drives off)
Toll Booth Willy: WHY YOU f**kIN HAAAD ON! I'LL f**kING COTTONFISH YOU'RE f**kING HEAD WITH A LOUISVILLE f**kIN SLUGGAH! WHADDYA THINKA THAT ASS f**k?!
Driver3: Hi, Willy.
Toll Booth Willy: Oh, nice to see ya mam not a bad day, ah?
Driver3: Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? I hear you're the best with directions.
Toll Booth Willy: Well, I know my way around New England I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?
Driver3: Well, I was just wondering which exactly is the best way to drive up your ass. You know if you'd tell me I'd appreciate it, you f**king prick. (cruises off)
Toll Booth Willy: YOU f**kIN b**ch! f**k YOU! YOU FORGOT TO PAY THE f**kIN TOLL YOU DIRTY WHORE! I'LL f**kING DROP YOU WID A BOOT TO DA f**kING SKULL YOU CUM GUZZLING QUEEEN!
Driver4: Hey Willy.
Toll Booth Willy: Hey how are ya?
Driver4: Here's a dollar twenty five and go f**k yourself.
Toll Booth Willy: Dah! YOU f**kIN PRICK! I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON A f**kIN BOTTLE CAP YOU f**kIN SON OF A f**k! EAT sh*t! EAT MY sh*t!
Driver5: Hello Willy, good to see you.
Toll Booth Willy: Ahhh Bishop Nelson, nice to see ya. That was quite a sermon you had the other day.
Driver5: Well, I do my best.
Toll Booth Willy: Dawla twenty five, Bishop.
Driver5: Dollar twenty five Willy...isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job you piece of dog sh*t?
Toll Booth Willy: OOOOHHHH HAVE ANOTHER ONE YOU f**kIN LUSH! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE BARTENDER CUT YOU OFF LAST NIGHT YOU f**kING DOUCHE BAG!
Toll Booth Willy: Well, hey!
Driver6: Yeah do you want the money or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass?
Toll Booth Willy: Welllll, I already heard that one YOU f**kIN UNORIGINAL BASTARD! GO SUCK A COCK YOU PIECE OF f**kIN REPEATIN sh*t!
Toll Booth Willy: Ohhh, Hi, how are ya?
Driver7: Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?
Toll Booth Willy: For you sweethart, it's a dawla twenty five.
Driver7: Here you go, thank you.
Toll Booth Willy: Hey, hey honey. Would you like a receipt with that?
Driver7: Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you soo much.
Toll Booth Willy: And here ya are.
Driver7: Ahh, do you think you could sign it?
Toll Booth Willy: Uhh, sign it?
Driver7: Yeah, sign "Toll Booth Willy was here."
Toll Booth Willy: Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?
Driver7: Just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest f**kin' dip sh*t with the smallest dick alive. You understand."
(Drives off...Crumples up paper)
Toll Booth Willy: f**k YOU, YOU f**kIN UPPITY b**ch! I'LL f**kIN f**k YOU AND ALL YOUR FISH-EATIN FRIENDS IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHERS! YOU'RE GONNA DIE b**ch! I'M COMIN OUTTA THE BOOTH! (Opens the door and runs out of the booth)
(Car screeches and hits him)
Toll Booth Willy: OOHHHH MY f**kIN LEG!
Driver8: Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!
Driver9: Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a dried up stinky dick licker.
Toll Booth Willie: Why you f**kin' pricks. I f**kin' hear every f**kin' word yer saying! When this f**kin' leg heals, I'm gonna kick you guys new f**kin' a**holes!
[Everyone cussing eachother out]