Who's Crazy / My Psychopharmacologist and I

Who's Crazy / My Psychopharmacologist and I Lyrics

Who's Crazy / My Psychopharmacologist and I Song Lyrics

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DAN:
Who's crazy?
The husband or wife?
Who's crazy?
To live their whole life believing that somehow things aren't as bizarre as they are

Who's crazy?
The one who can't cope
Or maybe the one who'll still hope
The one who sees doctors or the one who just waits in the car
And i was a wild twenty five
And I loved a wife so alive
But now i believe i would settle for one who can drive

DR. FINE (spoken):
The round blue ones with food but not with the oblong white ones
The white ones with the round yellow ones but not the trapezoidal green ones
Split the green ones into thirds with a tiny chisel
Use a mortar and pestal to grind...

DIANA:
My Psychopharmacologist and I
It's like an odd romance
Intense and very intimate
We do our dance
My Psychopharmacologist and I
Call it a lovers' game
He knows my deepest secrets
I know his... name!

And though he'll never hold me
He'll always take my calls
It's truly like he told me
Without a little lift the ballerina falls

(voices [HENRY, NATALIE, GABE, DAN] start scatting in background)

DR. FINE (spoken):
Goodman, Diana. Bipolar depressive with delusional episodes. 16 year history of medication. Adjustment after one week.

DIANA (spoken):
I've got less anxiety, but i have headaches, blurry vision, and i can't feel my toes.

DR. FINE (spoken):
So, we'll try again and eventually we'll get it right.

DIANA (spoken):
Not a very exact science, is it?

ALL VOICES:
Zoloft and Paxil and Buspar and Xanax
Depakote, Klonopin, Ambien, Prozac
Atavan calms me when i see the bills
These are a few of my favorite pills

DIANA (spoken):
Ooh. Thank you, Doctor. Valium is my favorite color. How'd ya know?

DR. FINE (spoken):
Goodman, Diana. Second adjustment after three weeks. Delusions less frequent but depressive state worse.

DIANA (spoken):
I'm nauseous, and I'm constipated, completely lost my appetite and gained 6 pounds, which ya know, is just not fair.

VOICES (along with DR. FINE and DIANA):
Maybe cause the following side effects one or more

DR. FINE, DIANA and NATALIE:
Dizziness, drowsiness, sexual dysfunction

(the following TWO stanzas are sung as a duet)

DR. FINE, DIANA and NATALIE:
Headaches and tremors and nightmares and seizures

HENRY, DAN and GABE:
Diarrhea, constipation, nervous laughter, palpitations

ALL:
Anxiousness, anger, exhaustion, insomnia
irritability, nausea, vomiting

DIANA:
Odd and alarming sexual feelings

VOICES:
Oh and one last thing

DR. FINE:
Use may be fatal

GABE:
Use may be fatal

DAN:
Use may be fatal

DR. FINE (spoken):
Goodman, Diana. Third adjustment after five weeks. Reports continued mild anxiety and some lingering depression.

DIANA (spoken):
I now can't feel my fingers or my toes.
I sweat profusely for no reason. Fortunately, i have absolutely no desire for sex. Although, whether thats the medicine or
the marriage is anybody's guess.

DR. FINE (spoken):
I'm sure its the medicine

DIANA (spoken):
Oh, thank you, that's very sweet.
But my husband's waiting in the car

DAN:
Who's crazy?
The one who's half gone?
Or maybe the one who holds on
Remembering when she was twenty, and brilliant and bold
And i was so young, and so dumb, and now i am old
[the following is sung the same time as DIANA]
And she was wicked and wired
The sex was simply inspired
Now there's no sex
She's depressed and me i'm just tired, tired, tired, tired
Who's crazy?
The one who's uncured
Or maybe the one who's endured
The one who has treatments or the one who just lives with the pain

DIANA: [same time as DAN]
And though he'll never hold me
He'll always take my calls
Its truly like he told me
Without a little lift the ballerina falls
My Psychopharmacologist and I
Together side by side
Without him I'd die
My Pyschopharmacologist and I

DAN:
They say love is blind
But believe me love is insane

DR. FINE (spoken):
Goodman, Diana. Seven weeks.

DIANA (spoken):
I don't feel like myself. I mean, i don't feel anything.

DR. FINE (spoken):
Hmph. Patient stable.