Rehab by Denis Leary
We did it all. We did whatever we could get our hands on back in the seventies. We did f**king handfuls of mushrooms, pills, Ludes, coke. Whatever it was, we just f**king swallowed it, ok? That's what we did! People go, "Well why didn't you go into rehab?" We didn't have rehab back in the seventies. Back in the seventies rehab meant you'd stop doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks. You know? "Yeah, give me a case of Budweiser and an ounce. I gotta slow down! Jesus Christ! I'm outta control. Look at the size of my pants for Christ's sake!"
Because that's the big thing now. Rehab is the big f**king secret now. Isn't it, huh? Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Just go into rehab and solve your problems. Isn't that the big celebrity thing? That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I'm gonna get famous. Then when my career starts to flag, I'm gonna go into three months f**king bender. Ok? Coke, and f**king pot, and smack, and f**king booze, and drive over people, and beat up my kids, go into therapy, go into rehab, come outta rehab, be on the cover of people magazine, "Sorry! I f**ked up!" That's what they do, man. They go into rehab and they come out and they blame everybody except themselves. They blame their parents, right? That's the way. Everybody comes from a dysfunctional family all of the sudden, huh? Rosanne Barr comes from a dysfunctional family? Not Rosanne! She seems so normal to me! The Jacksons were dysfunctional!? Not the Jacksons! These people give each other new heads for Christmas for Christ's sake!
I am sick and tired of hearing that f**king speech. You know? These people come out of rehab they always have the same story. "Well you know, I became an alcoholic because my parents didn't love me enough. And then I became a junkie because my parents didn't love me enough. And I went into hypnosis and ther