Why Does the Whole Damn World Adore Me?

Why Does the Whole Damn World Adore Me? Lyrics

Why Does the Whole Damn World Adore Me? Song Lyrics

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SHERRY
At night when all my daily battles have been fought
And I lie in my private domain,
This is the sort of philosophic thought
That pops into my unsurpassed but over burdened brain:

Why does the whole damn world adore me?
I'm just an insignificant genius, nothing more
I'd give my soul if they'd ignore me
You'd think the simple simons had never seen a Renaissance Man before

Where do they get the pathetic illusion
That I care to be their cup of tea?
I've reached a sad but true conclusion
That it's absolutely deplorable
To be as downright adorable as me!

Day after day, week after week,
Why do they shout? Why do they shriek,
"Mr. Whiteside, Mr. Whiteside
Can we help it if our admiration shows?"
"You're as great as Guy Lombardo,
Norman Rockwell, Edgar Guest and Major Bowes!"

(spoken)
These people could give bad taste a bad name...

(sung)
Why does the whole damn world admire me?
I never said I wanted to join the human race
Why do these dowagers desire me?
I don't know why they're making a fuss,
I'm just another attractive face

I'm quite content having dinner with Schweitzer
On the grass with our plates on our knees
But I refuse to eat a bite, sir
With a pack of cackling biddies
Or a bunch of blithering idiots like these!

Week after week, year after year,
What do I hate? What do I hear?
"Mr. Whiteside, have some bourbon!
My ol' daddy made it right here on the ranch!"
"Howdy doody, Mr. Whiteside!
How'd you like to meet my darlin' daugher Blanche?"

(spoken)
I wouldn't like that at all. Perhaps something in a smaller size.

(sung)
Why does the whole damn world revere me?
I'm sick and tired of letting them worship at my shrine
It's such a bore when morons cheer me
I've almost reached a point
Where I wish I were a little bit less divine

The simple facts are so clear and revealing
That I'm finally forced to agree
I must be pretty damned appealing
To inspire the clamorous masses
To behave like amorous asses over me!

But must I hear their rude refrain
Filling my head, filling my brain:
"Mr. Whiteside, Mr. Whiteside,
Tell us how much gin and how much dry vermouth"
"Mr. Whiteside, Mr. Whiteside,
Make us cultured, make us clever, make us couth!"
"Mr. Whiteside, Mr. Whiteside,
Won't you share the secret of your sorcery?"
Gentle readers, here's my secret
In one magic word:
Humility!

[Thanks to John for lyrics]