Lyrics, AS THE CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEE Lyrics
Lyrics, AS THE CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEE Lyrics |
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- AS THE CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEE Lyrics FULTON: As the chairman of the committee I announce we've made our choice; Ev'ry lover from Dubuque to Jersey City Should rejoice! COMMITTEE: We rejoice! JUDGES AND COMMITTEE: When the angels up there designed her, They designed a thoroughbred; And on March the fourth the President will find her Worthy of his board and bed. FULTON: And now it thrills me to introduce the rarest of American beauties, the future first lady of the land -- a fit consort for the ruler of "122 million freeborn" - ladies and gentlemen -- Miss Diana Devereaux! HOW BEAUTIFUL [DIANA APPEARS WITH FOUR OTHER PRIZE WINNERS HOLDING TRAIN ATTACHED TO HER BATHING SUIT] ALL: [SING] How beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! How utterly, utterly so! The charming, the gracious, the dutiful Diana Devereaux! FULTON: [SPOKEN] The committee will now tell why she was chosen -- with music! NEVER WAS THERE A GIRL SO FAIR COMMITTEE: Never was there a girl so fair! Never was there a form so rare! DIANA: [SPOKEN] Ah could throw mah arms right around your neck! COMMITTEE: A voice so lyrical Is given few; Her eyes a miracle Of Prussian blue; Ruby lips and a foot so small; As for hips -- she has none at all! GILHOOLEY: Did you ever see such footsies, Or a more enticing limb? LIPPMAN: And the ankles or her tootsies Are so slim! LYONS AND JUDGES: What a charming epiglottis! What a lovely coat of tan! Oh, the man who is not hot is Not a man! COMMITTEE: She's a bargain to whom she's wed' More than worthy his board and bed! FULTON: Says the chairman of the committee, Let the newsmen now come in. [TO DIANA] For the sound reels you must look your best, my pretty! [TO GUARDS] Have the interviews begin! GILHOOLEY AND LYONS: We shall go and bring them in! WINTERGREEN: [RUSHING CENTER] Stop! No! Though this may be a blow, I simply cannot marry Diana Devereaux! COMMITTEE: What's this? What's this? He says he cannot marry Diana Devereaux? COMMITTEE AND JUDGES: [TO WINTERGREEN] You mean you will not many Diana Devereaux! WINTERGREEN: Please understand! It isn't that I would jilt or spurn 'er! It's just that I love someone else! ALL: Who? WINTERGREEN: Whom! [TURNS TO MARY] Mary Turner! COMMITTEE: The man is mad! Or else a cad! He'll have to take her -- He can't forsake her DIANA: This jilting me, It cannot be! This lousy action Calls for retraction! COMMITTEE AND JUDGES: We must know why You should prefer Instead of Di [POINTING TO DIANA] A girl like her. [POINTING TO MARY] GIRLS: Yes, tell us why You should prefer Instead of Di A girl like her! WINTERGREEN: All that I can say of Mary Turner Is that I love Mary Turner. COMMITTEE AND JUDGES: What's to be done? Though she has won, [INDICATING DIANA] Though she has signed up He's made his mind up! His love he'd ruther Give to the other! [INDICATING DIANA] What shall we do now? What is our cue now? DIANA: [TO COMMITTEE] He will do nothing of the sort. First we'll settle this thing in court. [TO WINTERGREEN] You seem to think Miss Turner hits the spot; But what has she got that I haven't got? ALL: Yes, what has "she" got [POINTING TO MARY] that she hasn't got? [POINTING TO DIANA] WINTERGREEN: My Mary makes corn muffins - [TO DIANA] Can you make corn muffins? DIANA: I cain't make corn muffins ALL: [SORROWFULLY] She can't make corn muffins! SOME GIRLS CAN BAKE A PIE WINTERGREEN: Well, there you are! Some girls can bake a pie Made up of prunes and quinces; Some make an oyster fry - Others are good at blintzes. Some lovely girls have done Wonders with turkey stuffin's, But I have found the one Who can really make corn muffins! DIANA: Who cares about corn muffins? All I demand is justice! [WINTERGREEN REPEATS "SOME GIRLS CAN..." MARY JOINS IN, AS COMMITTEE AND ENSEMBLE, SOLD ON THE IDEA, SING OBBLIGATO] COMMITTEE AND ENSEMBLE: Corn muffins - Though other girls are good at turkey stuffin's She takes the cake - For she can bake Corn muffins; Corn muffins - He's not to blame for falling if she's able To serve them at his table. [COMMITTEE STARTS TO SAMPLE MUFFINS] They should be happy night and day; They'll make a couple so delightful; When two agree on corn muffins, Their marriage is only rightful! DIANA AND GIRLS: [SIMULTANEOUSLY, TO THE COMMITTEE] Don't surrender! Don't be tender! I'm (she's) the winner! She is a little sinner! Come! Make your mind up. I, (she) not she Is the one who's really signed up! COMMITTEE: [HOLDING UP MUFFINS] Great! Great! It really must be fate! COMMITTEE AND JUDGES: We must declare these muffins The best we ever ate! GIRLS: [SIMULTANEOUSLY] There's none but Mary Turner Could ever be his mate! [DIANA EXITS] [HALF THE VOICES KEEP REPEATING] There's none but Mary Turner Could ever be his mate! [THE OTHER HALF SING] She can make corn muffins! She can make corn muffins! ALL: [Tableau] Let's all rejoice!
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