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It Would Have Been Wonderful

 

It Would Have Been Wonderful Song Lyrics


I should never have gone to the theater,
Then I'd never have come to the country.
If I never had come to the country,
Matters might have stayed as they were.
Sir, sir.
If she'd only been faded,
If she'd only been fat,
If she'd only been jaded and bursting with chat,
If she'd only been perfectly awful,
It would have been wonderful
If, If.
If she'd been all atwitter,
Or elusively cold,
If she'd only been bitter,
Or better, looked passably old
If she'd been covered with glitter,
Or even covered with mold,
It would have been wonderful.
But the woman was perfection
To my deepest dismay.
Well, not quite perfection
I'm sorry to say.
If the woman were perfection
She would go away.
And that would be wonderful.
Sir, Sir.
If she'd only looked flustered
Or admitted the worst,
If she only had blustered
Or simpered or cursed,
If she weren't so awfully perfect,
It would have been wonderful.
If, If.
If she'd tried to be clever,
If she'd started to flinch,
If she'd cried or whatever a woman would do in a pinch,
If I'd been certain she never again could be trusted an inch,
It would have been wonderful.
But the woman was perfection,
Not an action denied.
The kind of perfection
I cannot abide.
If the woman were perfection,
She'd have simply lied.
Which would have been wonderful.
If she'd only been vicious,
If she'd acted abused,
Or a bit too delicious,
Or been even slightly confused.
If she had only been sulky,
or bristling,
or bulky,
or bruised,
it would have been wonderful.
If, If.
If she'd only been willful,
If she only had fled.
Or a little less skillful,
Insulted, insisting,
In bed,
If she had only been fearful,
Or married,
or tearful,
or dead,
it would have been wonderful.
But the woman was perfection
And the prospects are grim,
That lovely perfection
That nothing can dim,
Yes, the woman was perfection,
So I'm here with him.
Sir, sir.
It would have been wonderful.
[Thanks to Miryam, Joseph Misdraji for lyrics]