The B Side by Tracey Ullman
B sides! No, I never play them.
Ya, I once played one once, but I, I thought it was the A side. I thought, hey, this is really funny, what's this A side doing on the B side!? I thought they made a mistake. And I thought, maybe this record could be worth a lot of money. You know, like stamps when there's a mistake on them!? They're worth more money. But I wasn't.
B sides! Ok! I don't know why they have them. I mean, why do you have to buy two sides of a single anyway? I mean, if you wanna a??? seachef???, they don't make you buy two, do they!? I mean, if it just had the A side, singles would be half the price, wouldn't they!?
Hi! I'm Val from the band, and I'm here on your B side, goin' round and round on the turntable.??? A big??? mess in your bedroom, innit! People ask us, you know, with the band. And they say, "What comes first?" You know. "Words or the music?" Well, I guess the case is, the words 'cause, like the band hasn't arrived jet.
Eh, I turn a lot of B sides. Ehm, I started of doing effing J sides, but, na, it won't really get me anywhere. And eh, my manager, he told me that, you know, career wise, we'd better do some B sides. So-a, that's were I started doing the B sides. Basically.
Well I formed this band. We used to have these two other girls and a bloke. And it was, you know, it was going alright for a while. Eh, we was gigging about. Then eh, we got to know each other, eh, and then we split up
We did our first gig in my bedroom, but it weren't that good because, well, my little sister sleeps in there. And eh, you know, we kept waking her up. 'Cause eh, we'd put speakers on her bed you see to give us the right sort of amount of room, you see, you know.
Eh, stardom? No. Hadn't affected me. I'm still the same old, ehm, slag I always was. But I bought me mom a little house. Oh, she loves it, she loves it right. She never stops playing with it. It's one of those where the, well like, the whole front comes of, you know. So you can move thing around a lot easier. You know, I put a little, sort of furniture, go in it, it's great. Eh, she loves, my mom. Eh, she's, she's, she's been like a mother to me.
I like eh, well I, I like all junk foods. Hamburgers and fish and chips??? shops or even??? greasy. I mean, I mean, when you're on the road, there's not much else to eat, you know. I wouldn't, tarmac, yeah, I like tarmac, but uh, oh Graham, Graham, he's like even crazier, you know, he likes pork scratchings, dipped in marmalade and, sort of, strawberries and mustard and ah, he's… I like Graham, this is Graham, he's our drummer. Ah, he's good ain't he? Eh, alright Graham, that's enough. Is enough Graham! Pack it in!
Words are very important in our songs. I mean, if words weren't there, eh, it'd be very different, I mean, eh, it wouldn't be songs for a start. Ehm, ehm, people say, "Is there a message in 'em?". And there is! You know. The message is, go out and buy the record! It is as simple as that. Oh, here come the rest of them. Hi, hi everyone, hi. Right, we just gonna get ourselves together and eh, we start the music. Ok. Alright you guys, alright. Ok. A-One, a-two, a-one two three four.