The Excited Southerner Proposes to a Woman by Sandler Adam
[Setting: A restaurant with music playing in the background]
"And now the Excited Southerner proposes to a girl."
Girl: "You wanted to ask me something?"
Excited Southerner: "Yes, I did. I - first of all I just wanted to say
that you're -- very pretty girl, and I, I -- hoo -- you'the -- we've
known each other for so long now, and-uh, it's about time that the two
of us -- we're both getting older right now, and-uh, and I don't want to
die alone, I -- tell you that much -- hoo -- getting ahead of myself --
got ta slow down, hoo-hoo, concentrate on what I'm trying to get across
to you right now, hoo, I mean,
whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-whe-willing to be a house husband,
you don't have to qu-qu-qu-qu-quit your job there, there, I'm, I'm,
the-, I'm, I'm -- hoo, honeymoon in the
Poconos, with the -- hoo, woo hoo -- sex optional -- you don't have to
do what you don't want to do, hoo hoo hoo hoo, someday you're going to
love me, and that -- that's fi-- til death do us part I, we'll get the
chocolate cake and the sunrise and the sunset -- no prenuptial agree --"
Girl: "Look, are you trying to ask me to marry you? Because I'm just not
ready for that kind of commitment."
Excited Southerner: "Coooooo."