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Eminem - Criminal lyrics

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Criminal by Eminem

A lot of people ask me.. stupid f**kin questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, sh*t.. if you believe that
then I'll kill you
You know why?
Cuz I'm a
You god damn right
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That's my motherf**kin balls, you'd better let go of em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'? (clicks tongue twice)
How many records you expectin to sell
After your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax Guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin each March
With a brand new cd for these f**kin retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A f**k," still won't leave
Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird
and keep goin, I don't take sh*t from no one
My mother did drugs - hard liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the f**k you sposed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink more liquor to f**k you up quicker
Than you'd wanna f**k me up for sayin the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
And my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
In plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happenin to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - *kch* the maniac's in
Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thing put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
[Interlude Skit]
[Dre] Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherf**ker
get the motherf**kin money and get the f**k up outta there
[Em] Aight
[Dre] I'll be right here waitin on you
[Em] Aight
[Dre] Yo Em
[Em] What?!
[Dre] Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright... god damn, f**k...
(whistling) how you doin'?
[Teller] HI, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah I need to make a withdrawl
[Teller] Okay
[Eminem] Put the f**kin money in the bag b**ch
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you b**ch, quit lookin around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, I have two kids at home, don't kill me
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna f**kin kill you
Hurry the f**k up! {*BOOM*} Thank you!
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Then fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die b**ches, bastards, brats, pets!
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a f**k, I'd shave my nuts
Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
You motherf**kin chickens ain't brave enough
To say the stuff I say, so just tape is shut
sh*t, half the sh*t I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a f**kin rapist in a Jason mask
(Chorus 2X)

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