Folk Monologue by Barbie
Can I get my glass of tea? mmm, nothing like it!At this time I would like very much to do a folksong. since folksongs,I think are still popular today. uhm, this one is in latvian and it’sFrom latvia. and it’s about this tahitian girl who uhm, had this lover.And then one day this lover decides that he doesn’t like her anymoreAnd likes her sister better. so she decided that the only thing to doNaturally was to kill herself, see. so one day, oh, was very nice outAbout 75 degrees, and she was taking this walk down to the river toDrown when she, she tripped over this rock see. and uhm, oh it wasAwful I mean, she broke her glasses, she scrapped her knees. and uhm,Just at this minute the lover and the sister happen to come by in aTaxicab. so, see they saw her on the floor and she, having anAstigmatism in her left eye, she thought that it was a wild bore. so,She figured oh boy I’d better get down to the river fast to drown soShe runs down there and what do you know the river was frozen. so iMean she just stood there you know and she went tchhh, like that. tch,And uhm, because, I mean, she couldn’t do it that day. see, it was aSmall town they only had one river, so. anyway than she figured, ohIt’s getting late, better get home cause her mamma would be worriedAnd would kill her if she was late for supper you know. so, I mean,She gets up and she starts walking around home and she bumps in toThis guy, and what do you know, he turns out to be an optometrist.And just happens to happen to have her suscription. so, anyway, uh? Oh, I’m sorry subscription.so anyway, I mean, she’s I don’t wantYou to think that this is one of those hollywood-like stories: sheGets the glasses and sees happily ever after. I mean, this is, youKnow, no like that. I mean she had to pay for the glasses just likeYou and me, she ... well, oh well, I mean, I don’t want you to thinkThat I’m lying but she did get about a dollar fifty off, dollarSixty-five? so anyway, uhm... this guy (oh) turned out to be veryNice and he even told her where she could find another river.So, I’ll tell you the truth, this girl was a real creep. I mean,You know who would wanna sing a song about her? I mean, her sisterWas really much nicer. and uhm, I mean, i, I think she came fromA better family.[singing]Call me a boobCall me a schlemielCall me a brain with a missing wheelCall me what you willBut nonetheless I’m stillIn love with harold mingertIt’s not because he has a carArnie fleisher has a carAnd a car is just a carBut if harold didn’t have a car too his nameI guess I’d love him just the sameCall me what you willBut nonetheless I’m stillIn love with harold mingertAnd it’s not because he has a wealthy familyArnie fleischer has a wealthy familyBut money isn’t everythingAnd if harold didn’t have a car too his nameI know I’d love him just the sameBut sometimes I ask myself why thanDo I than love harold mingertHarold isn’t handsome or clever or smartAnd I don’t find romance and a dance in his heartThe only answers I can think aboutHarold mingert’s money and harold mingert’s carCall me what you willBut non the less I’m stillIn love with harold mingertAlso arnie fleisher!