The State of the End of the Millenium Address by Bad Religion
Neighbors, nobody loves you like we do. Neighbors, your government has
triumphed in finally making you a public fit for the 21st century.
Never before has a governing body shown so much concern for the
economic well-being of its subject. Today we have insulated you from
countless factions who threaten you financial viability; such as the
poor; the idealistic foreigners still clinging to their childish
notions of social welfare; why, you're even kept uninformed of useless
propagandist journalist that reports alleged violations of human rights
(we all know they wouldn't have been punished if they hadn't been doing
something WRONG!!). And who better to dispense such blantantly evident
factoids but a self-appointed authority like myself?
Acid Rain is a thing of the past...too many possible causes, too little
significance for our modern thinking public, besides industrial
manufacturing is at an all-time low anyway, who needs those narrow
minded laborers anyway too many mouths to feed, and too much burden on
the payroll! Who needs 'em here in the land of the free-time. Some other
ass-backward country will give us what we need by exploiting its
The internet has expanded our ability to pacify average Americans better
than ever by offering fantastical adventures to every corner of the
imagination. Your home office is the window to your world, and the heart
of your social life. Such reclusive behavior helps clear the roads and
public works from overburden like the lower-middle class and others who
depend shamelessly on their government. Today you are freer then ever to
do what you want, provided you can pay for it!
Remember, the first word in USA is US!
We have arrived neighbors, we are the privileged elite!