Toll Booth Willie

Toll Booth Willie Lyrics

[Car approaches]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please."
[M1:] "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"
[M1:] "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a f**kin' idiot!"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Go f**k yourself you son of a b**ch!
I'll come right outta the booth and f**kin' whack ya, you f**kin' prick!"

[Another car approaches]
[M2:] "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"
[M2:] "Oh, great, great. How much?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."
[M2:] "That's fine. Now should I give you the money,
or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Why you f**kin' hard on!
I'll f**king Carlton Fisk yer f**kin' head with a Louise-ville f**kin' slugger!
Whadya think of that ass f**k!?"

[Another car approaches]
[F1:] "Hi Willie."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?"
[F1:] "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out?
I hear your the best with directions."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well I know my way around New England.
I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?"
[F1:] "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way
to drive up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me,
I'd appreciate it, you f**kin' prick."
[Drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "You f**kin' b**ch! f**k you!
You forgot to pay the f**kin' toll you dirty whore!
I'll f**kin' drop you with a boot to the f**kin' skull you cum guzzling queen!"

[Another car approaches]
[M3:] "Hey Willie."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, how are ya?"
[M3:] "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go f**k yourself."
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dah, you f**kin' prick!
I hope you choke on a f**kin' bottle cap, ya f**kin' son of a f**k!
Eat sh*t! Eat my sh*t!"

[Another car approaches]
[Bishop Nelson:] "Hello Willie. Good to see you."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya.
That was quite a sermon you had the other day."
[Bishop Nelson:] "Hey, well I do my best."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."
[Bishop Nelson:] "Dollar twenty-five,
Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job,
you piece of dog sh*t!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ohhh! Have another one, you f**kin' lush!
It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya f**kin' douche bag!"

[Another car approaches]
[M5:] "Hey!"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well hey!"
[M5:] "Yeah, do you want the money,
or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[Pays toll and drives off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well, I already heard that one you f**kin' unoriginal bastard!
Go suck a corn you f**kin' piece of repeatin' sh*t!"

[Another car approaches]
[F2:] "Hi."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, hi. How are ya?"
[F2:] "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"
[Toll Booth Willie:]"For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."
[F2:] "Here ya go."
[Pays toll]
[F2:] "Thank you."
[Begins to drive off]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with that?"
[F2:] "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."
[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "And here ya are."
[F2:] "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, uh.. sign it?"
[F2:] "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?"
[Signing receipt]
[F2:] "Just so I could have proof for my friends that
I met the biggest f**kin' dip sh*t with the smallest dick alive.
You understand."
[Drives off]
[Crumples up paper]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "f**k you, you f**kin' upity b**ch!
I'll f**kin' f**k you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front
of your f**kin' mothers! You're gonna die, b**ch! I'm comin' outta the booth!"
[Opens the door and runs out of the booth]

[Car screeches and hits him]
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ooooh! My f**kin' leg!"
[M6:] "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"
[M7:] "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a
dried up stinky dick licker."
[Toll Booth Willie:] "Why you f**kin' pricks.
I f**kin' hear every f**kin' word yer saying!
When this f**kin' leg heals,
I'm gonna kick you guys new f**kin' a**holes!

[Everyone cussing eachother out]