The buffoon and the valedictorian by Adam Sandler
Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien
"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian."
Valedictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."
Buffoon: "This movie sucks sh*t!"
Valedictorian: "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly."
Buffoon: "Cathleen Turner has big f**kin' tits!"
Valedictorian: "Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"
Buffoon: "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his f**kin' head off."
Valedictorian: "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."
Buffoon: "That girl in the f**king car in front of us, she gives everybody head."
Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."
[Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: "This popcorn's f**kin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it."
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn]
Valedictorian: "Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank."
Buffoon: "I looked at my a**hole in the mirror today. It blew my f**kin' mind!"
Valedictorian: "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.
Buffoon: "My father's sh*t stinks up the bathroom all f**kin' day!"
Valedictorian: "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism."
Buffoon: "I'm gonna go get head from that f**kin' girl."
[Gets out of the car]
Valedictorian: "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion."
[Buffoon walking away]
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue."
Buffoon: "I like to p**s in that guy's f**kin' gas tank!"
Valedictorian: "Bye bye! Have fun."
[Buffoon continues to walk away]