The Smoke Off Lyrics

Shel Silverstein Lyrics The Smoke Off

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 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

The Smoke Off


by Shel Silverstein. Buy album CD: Other Songs F - Y


In the laid back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probably knew her well
She'd been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll
Her legend finally reached New York that Grove Street walk-up flat
Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid a beatnik from the past
With long browned lightnin' fingers he takes a cultured toke
And says "Hell I can roll 'em faster, Jim, than any chick can smoke"
So a note gets sent to San Raphael for the Championship of the World
The Kid demands a smoke off "Well bring him on! says Pearl
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands he'll roll until he drops"
Says Calistog "I'll smoke that chick till she blows up and pops"
So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread
Come one come all who walk or crawl price just two lids a head
And from every town and hamlet over land and sea they speed
The world's greatest dopers with the Worlds greatest weed
Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru
And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo
And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo
See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise lace and leather
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin all together
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
To the old man who smoked reefer back before it was a crime
And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries
Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl ready for their smokin' war
At a table piled up high with grass as high as a mountain peak
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers not one stem branch or seed
Maui Wowie Panama Red and Acapulco Gold
Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold
Sticks from Thailand Ganja from the Islands and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best
And some of that wet imported shit that capsized off Key West
Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs
And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers
And there's bubblin' ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches
And there's Hersheys bars and Oreos incase anybody gets the munchies
And the Calistoga Kid he sneers and Pearley she just grins
And the drums roll low and the crowd yells go and the worlds first Smoke Off begins
Kid flicks his magic fingers once and zap that first joints rolled
Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and woosh that roach is cold
Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that'd paralyze a moose
And Pearly takes one super hit and slurp that bomb defused
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine
And everybody sits back and says "this just might take some time"
See the blur of flyin fingers see the red coal burnin bright
As the night turns into mornin and the mornin fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
But the two still sit on that roach-filled stage smokin' and rollin' on
With tremblin hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze and puffs through blistered lips
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
The Kid he gasps "Goddamn it, bitch! there's nothin' left to roll!"
"Nothin left to roll?!" screams Pearl, "Is this some twisted joke?
I didn't come here to fuck around man I come here to smoke"
And she reaches cross the table and grabs his bony sleeves
And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves
Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach
And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke
In the laid-back California town of sunny San Raphael
Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake you probly know her well
She's been stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years and the storys widely told
How she still can smoke 'em faster than anyone can roll
While off in New York City on a street that has no name
There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame
And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll
That says "Beware of Bein' the Roller When There's Nothin' Left to Roll"




sheet music Buy Shel Silverstein sheet music
cd Buy Shel Silverstein CDs
guitar tabs Shel Silverstein guitar tabs
Album: Other Songs F - Y Lyrics
cd Buy "Other Songs F - Y" CD
  1. (Freakin' At The) Freaker's Ball
  2. Alimoney
  3. All About You
  4. Better Not Ask Me
  5. Bigtime
  6. Boy Named Sue
  7. Bury Me In My Shades
  8. Changing Of The Seasons
  9. Cloudy Sky
  10. Comin' After Jinny
  11. Crouchin' On The Outside
  12. Dance To It
  13. Daylight Dreamer
  14. Diet Song
  15. Dirty Ol' Me
  16. Don't Give A Dose To The One You Love Most
  17. Drain My Brain
  18. Father Of A Boy Named Sue
  19. Floobie Doobie Doo
  20. Goodnight Little House Plant
  21. Grizzly Bear
  22. Handy Man
  23. Hoodoo Voodoo Lady
  24. I Can't Touch The Sun
  25. I Got Stoned And I Missed It
  26. I Once Knew A Woman
  27. I'm So Good That I Don't Have To Brag
  28. Kick It Again
  29. Lemme Be Somethin'
  30. Liberated Lady 1999
  31. Lookin' For Myself
  32. Masochistic Baby
  33. Modern Talk
  34. My Mind Keeps Movin'
  35. Never Bite A Married Woman On The Thigh
  36. Paranoid
  37. Pathetic Way Of Getting Over Me
  38. Peanut Butter Sandwich
  39. Polly In A Porny
  40. Rings Of Grass
  41. Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out
  42. Sahra Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take...
  43. Scum Of The Earth
  44. She's My Ever Lovin' Machine
  45. Show It At The Beach
  46. Someday's Here
  47. Someone Ate The Baby
  48. Stacy Brown Got Two
  49. Sure Hit Songwriter's Pen
  50. Testing The Bomb
  51. The Man Who Got No Sign
  52. The Mermaid
  53. The Smoke Off
  54. The Ugliest Man In Town
  55. Thumbsucker
  56. Time
  57. Workin' It Out
  58. Yowzah

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