Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story Lyrics

Larry The Cable Guy Lyrics Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story

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Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story

by Larry The Cable Guy. Buy album CD: Other Songs A - W

This is the story of the first Thanksgiving, once again by my drunk grandpa:
Many years ago...Christopher Columbus and his pilgrim buddies come to America on a boat called the Mayflower to live because the English King wouldn't let the Jewish people go.
So Moses, who was a friend of Christopher Columbus, rented 3 boats: the Mayflower, the Santa Maria, and the USS Enterprise.
When they landed on America, and indian squaw, named Sacagawea, met them and traded them pelts for beer, and then showed them how to de-gut a rabbit.
That night her friends danced around with their boobs hanging out and balanced clay pots on their heads.
The head pilgrim then baptized all the Indians to be Christians and they shot turkeys and played horseshoes.
It was General Custer's birthday, and three Oriental Kings showed up with gifts of myrrh and other crap.
Many pilgrims did not survive the first winter because they didn't have heat because Jimmy Carter who was president of the Pilgrims had an oil embargo.

Sacagawea and her Indian friends burnt buffalo turds and heated the camp.
The pilgrims was thankful.
However it smelled so bad animals come outta the forest two by two.
The Lord then made a rainbow appear, to show that he would never make turds burn again, and cause a horrible smell.
Sacagawea fell in love with Kemosabe, and they were married on that first Thanksgiving, and lived in a tent with wheels. That's right.
All the pilgrims were glad to be away from the king, and to beat that they all landed right on Thanksgiving day.
Charlton Heston was then elected president.

My grandpa was REALLY drunk.

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Album: Other Songs A - W Lyrics
cd Buy "Other Songs A - W" CD
  1. A Letter To Santy Claus
  2. A Letter To Shania Twain
  3. Blue Balls
  4. Call A Doctor
  5. Come All Yee Little Imigrants
  6. Donny The Retard
  7. Get A Job
  8. Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story
  9. Hark, The Hairlip Angel Sing
  10. Hilary Clinton's Coming To Town
  11. I Pissed My Pants
  12. I Wish My Mother-in-law'd Get Hit By A Car
  13. O Little Girl From Birmingham
  14. Ode To Titties
  15. Oh Holy Crap
  16. On The First Day Of Christmas
  17. Redneck Santy Claus
  18. Santy Claus, Santy Claus
  19. Silent Farts
  20. The Christmas Story
  21. The First Queer Santy Claus
  22. The Most Wonderful Ass I Have Seen
  23. Titty Bar Christmas
  24. Twisted Christmas Carols
  25. What


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