The referees alphabet Lyrics

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics The referees alphabet

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 A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

The referees alphabet


by Half Man Half Biscuit. Buy album CD: Other Songs L - W


The A is for my authority
which many players seem to question,
thinking theyre somehow going to make me change my mind
B is for babies
which a lot of managers cry like
after a decision has not gone their way
C is for the continual criticism i recieve from the touchline
get back in your technical area!
D is for the dunderheads
who seem to think we have a conspiracy
against their particular team
E is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground
after I've booked the home teams player
and its obvious to everyone that he deserved it
F is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there
The G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on 90,000 a week
and reckoned he should have had a throw in
H is for handball
which has to be intentional and very rarely is
if only people would study the rules more
I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender
after theyve just scythed down that tricky winger
J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley
and some of the narky blerts ive encountered
K is for the kissing of the badge
how ridiculous that looks 6 months later when theyre at another club
L is for lip reading, at which you dont need to be an expert
to see how odious some people are
M is for the mistakes we sometimes make
surely a bit of controversy is part of the games appeal
The N, the N is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game
asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle
an afternoon with your wife mate
The O is for offside
which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been
The P is for the penalty shootout
great drama and no pressure on me
Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have
with some of the more fiery participants
i usually choose the word 'pleat'
R is for running backwards
a difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate
S is for the suggestion that i should have awarded a card of some sort
to a player whos just been awarded a free kick
sorry i got all that wrong the S again
okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent
by a player whos been awarded a free kick
he himself is more in danger of getting one for that
T is for the 21 man brawl
whiuch is basically an embarrassing scene of pushing and shoving
U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish id been instead
you never hear a cricket crowd shouting whos the bastard in the hat
The V is for vitriol vilification vendetta and volley of verbal abuse
some good bird noises there by the way
W is for walter pidgeon
whos mr Griffiths in 'how green was my valley'
i may have started to sound like during this song
'where was the light i thought to see in your eye'
he says that to a young huw played by roddy McDowall
The X
The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy potugese center half
who i just dismissed
The Y is for Yate
the kind of town referees come from
And the Z
Well the Z could be for Zidane, Zico, Zola, Zubizaretta, Zoff
Even Zondervan
but is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work
without this zest for the game we wouldnt become refs
and without refs, well zero
See also Zatopek, Zeus
and Zeal Monachorum
I have a caravan there
static naturally

Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun



sheet music Buy Half Man Half Biscuit sheet music
cd Buy Half Man Half Biscuit CDs
guitar tabs Half Man Half Biscuit guitar tabs
Album: Other Songs L - W Lyrics
cd Buy "Other Songs L - W" CD
  1. (live!)
  2. 1966 and all that
  3. All i want for christmas is a dukla prague away ki
  4. All I Want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit
  5. All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague...
  6. D'ye Ken Ted Moult
  7. Dickie davies eyes
  8. Dickie Davis Eyes
  9. Dyou Ken Ted Mould
  10. For What Is Chatteris...
  11. I hate nerys hughes
  12. I Was a Teenage Armchair Hon Ved Fan
  13. Keeping Two Chevrons Apart
  14. Paintball's Coming Home
  15. Reasons To Be Miserable (Part 10)
  16. Rod Hull Is Alive - Why?
  17. The Bastard Son of Dean Friedman
  18. The Best Things in Life
  19. The referees alphabet
  20. Trumpton Riots
  21. Vatican Broadside
  22. When The Evening Sun Goes Down

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