Lemme tell you a little story about a man named Johnny Tarr
He was a hard drinking son of a preacher, always at the bar
Lager from the tap or shots of Paddy from the shelf
He could open his throttle & throw back a bottle as quick as the devil himself! Johnny Tarr!
And the Word got around that Johnny Tarr was no pretender,
From Clare to here they'd lock up the beer when Johnny went on a bender
Down at Dickey Mac's, the Rising Sun, or at the Swan
If he was drinking at seven, by ten to eleven well all the booze would be gone! Johnny Tarr!
And Even if you saw it yourself, you wouldn't believe it,
I wouldn't trust a person like me, if I were you
Sure I wasn't there, I swear I have an alibi
I heard it from a man who knows a fella who says it's true!
It was nine in the morning on a cold and rainy night,
Johnny walked into the Castle Bar, looking to get tight
He had money in his pocket, he had whiskey in his eye,
He said: "Get up off your asses and set up the glasses, I'm drinking this place dry!"
Now all the serious boozers, they were soon broken hearted
When Johnny finished off six and he was only getting started
Guzzling down the pints, knockin' em back like candy,
He was lookin' alright to be drinkin' all night, then Nora brought out the Brandy! Johnny Tarr!
Johnny drank the whole damn bottle, had another pint or two,
When it made no impression he started a session with Murphy's Millenium Brew
He was waiting for his pint when his face turned green
Jesus, Johnny fell down after only fifteen!
You could have heard a pin drop, then the crowd let out a roar
It took five Cork women to lift Johnny off the floor!
The doctor looked him over and said you better call the hearse:
But I know what you're thinkin', it wasn't the drinkin', this man died of thirst! Johnny Tarr!