Theoretical Dick Jokes Lyrics

Bo Burnham Lyrics Theoretical Dick Jokes

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Theoretical Dick Jokes


by Bo Burnham. Buy album CD: Words Words Words


I wanted to be a physicist when I was younger, and I also wanted to be a comedian, but only one of those worked out, so I'd like to try to do both now in a bit that I call theoretical dick jokes. It goes like this:
My penis is so small that I have trouble finding it 'cause it's so greatly influenced by mechanical fluctuations in the fabric of space/time
And when I'm having intercourse with a woman, she can only know where my penis is or how fast it's moving 'cause it's small enough and light enough to be fully governed by the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
I've got an eating disorder--
Yeah, more like nutritional entropy, so...

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me...

Segues are weird.

How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy?
Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

I know what you guys are thinking: Oh Bo, you tackle such taboo subjects, you know, is there anything off limits? Anything you don't find funny? Anything you think is too sacred to laugh at?
And the truth is, there is...
White people.
I think we've been through enough...




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Album: Words Words Words (2010) Lyrics
cd Buy "Words Words Words" CD
  1. A Prayer/How Do We Fix Africa?
  2. Art is Dead
  3. Back Home
  4. Binary Reality
  5. Bo Diddely
  6. Bo Diddley 1969
  7. Bo Diddley's A Gunslinger
  8. Ex-Girlfriend/Racial Humor
  9. Haikus/Sonnet/Shakespeare
  10. Hey, Bo Diddley
  11. I Can Tell
  12. I'm A Man
  13. I'm Looking For A Woman
  14. I'm Sorry
  15. Ironic
  16. Mama Don't Allow No Twistin'
  17. Men & Woman
  18. Nursery Rhyme
  19. Oh Bo
  20. Oh Bo (Studio)
  21. One Man Shows
  22. Ooh Baby
  23. Pills
  24. Quantum Mechanics
  25. Rant
  26. She's Alright
  27. Theoretical Dick Jokes
  28. Traditional Stand-Up
  29. What's Funny
  30. Who Do You Love
  31. Who May Your Lover Be
  32. Words Words Words
  33. Words, Words, Words (Studio)
  34. You Can't Judge A Book
  35. You Can't Judge A Book By Its Cover
  36. You Can't Judge A Book By The Cover

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