Dee wee (my friend the massive idiot)

Dee wee (my friend the massive idiot) Lyrics

He said he'd be here at seven
The clock just hit 7:22
It's too cold outside
To wait for my ride
Watching mama try out a new doo (Bruins)

He said he'd be here at seven
But it just hit 7:35 (already?)
Here in Brockton, Mass.,
I got my thumb in my ass
Mama's combing up a big beehive (Celtics)

Where the f**k is he?
Where the f**k is he?

The b**ch doesn't even bother calling
Even though it's 7:44 (I fell asleep, pally)
I'm feeling kinda antsy
Mama's getting fancy
Slicking back a wet pompadour (Red Sox)

He said he'd be here at seven
It's closing in on 8:01 (Trimmin' the ‘stache, kid)
Me lookin' like a sap
In a wool knit cap
Mama's next move is a bun (f**kin' Patriots)

Where the f**k is he? (My pants are still in the dryer, dude)
Where the f**k is he? (I couldn't find my f**kin' snowboots, pal)
I wish I had a car (Huge, huge hangover)
Oh, no (Massive hailstorm, massive hailstorm, massive)

That stupid little punk
He's probably f**kin' drunk
I bet he drank a case
Wanna pop him in the face right now
Mama's eyebrow

Wicked good
Wicked good (Oh, GOD)
Wicked good
Wicked good (f**k yeah)
Wicked good
Wicked good (p**ser?)

Well my friend is still a no-show
And I'm getting' f**king p**sed (Why?)
‘Cause I could've gone with Charlie
In the side of his Harley
Mama's on the phone with a stylist (f**k Charlie!)

So I guess I ain't going out tonight
‘Cause the digits say 12:09 (sh*t-faced)
But call the operator
‘Cause one perm later
Mama's hair sure do look fine (Heffenreffer!!!)

Where the f**k is he? (Ah, ha ha! My stepfather was tellin' me a wicked funny
joke!)
Where the f**k is he? (Ah, ha ha! I forgot it though…)

I wish I had a car
I wish I had a car (A cop pulled me over, buddy)

I wish I went with Charlie (5.2 blood level, state record)
I could have gone with Charlie (I'm in a wicked mess of trouble, haha!)

He gotta dee wee
He gotta dee wee
He gotta dee wee
He got a D.W.I. (Up the river [repeat 9x])