One Hundred Easy Ways
NOW THE FIRST WAY TO LOSE A MAN
YOU’VE MET A CHARMING FELLOW AND YOU’RE OUT FOR A SPIN.
THE MOTOR FAILS AND HE JUST WEARS A HELPLESS GRIN,
DON’T BAT YOUR EYES AND SAY, “WHAT A ROMANTIC SPOT WE’RE IN.”
Just get out, crawl under the car,
tell him it’s the gasket and fix it in two seconds flat with a bobby pin.
THAT’S A GOOD WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
HE TAKES YOU TO A BASEBALL GAME,
YOU SIT KNEE TO KNEE.
HE SAYS, “THE NEXT MAN UP AT BAT WILL BUNT, YOU’LL SEE.”
DON’T SAY, “OOOH, WHAT’S A BUNT? THIS GAME’S TOO HARD FOR LITTLE ME.”
Just say, “Bunt? Are you nuts?!! With no outs, two men on base,
and a left-handed batter coming up,
you’ll walk right into a triple play just like it happened in
the fifth game of the World Series in 1923.”
THAT’S A SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
A SURE SURE SURE SURE WAY TO LOSE A MAN,
A SPLENDID WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
JUST THROW YOUR KNOWLEDGE IN HIS FACE,
HE’LL NEVER TRY FOR SECOND BASE.
Ninety-eight ways to go.
THE THIRD WAY TO LOSE A MAN --
THE LIFE-GUARD AT THE BEACH THAT ALL THE GIRLIES ADORE
SWIMS BRAVELY OUT TO SAVE YOU THROUGH THE OCEAN’S ROAR,
DON’T SAY, “OH, THANKS, I WOULD HAVE DROWNED IN JUST ONE SECOND MORE.”
Just push his head under water and yell,
“Last one in is a rotten egg” and race him back to shore!
THAT’S A SWELL WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
YOU’VE FOUND YOUR PERFECT MATE AND IT’S BEEN LOVE FROM THE START.
HE WHISPERS, “YOU’RE THE ONE TO WHO I GIVE MY HEART.”
DON’T SAY, “I LOVE YOU TOO, MY DEAR, LET’S NEVER NEVER PART.”
Just say, “I’m afraid you’ve made a grammatical error
it’s not ‘To who I give my heart,’ it's ‘To whom I give my heart’
You see, with the use of the preposition ‘to,’ ‘who’ becomes the indirect object,
making the use of ‘whom’ imperative which
I can easily show you by drawing a simple chart”
THAT’S A FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
A FINE FINE FINE FINE WAY TO LOSE A MAN,
A DANDY WAY TO LOSE A MAN.
JUST BE MORE WELL-INFORMED THAN HE,
YOU’LL NEVER HEAR “O, PROMISE ME.”
JUST SHOW HIM WHERE HIS GRAMMAR ERRS,
THEN MARK YOUR TOWELS “HERS” AND “HERS.”
YES, GIRLS, YOU TOO CAN LOSE YOUR MAN,
IF YOU WILL USE RUTH SHERWOOD’S PLAN:
ONE HUNDRED EASY WAYS TO LOSE A MAN!