An Original Musical Lyrics. From Musical "Title of Show"

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An Original Musical Lyrics


by Title of Show Cast. From Title of Show.


BLANK PAPER (Hunter)
Hey, little guy! Why so blue?

JEFF
Well, Blank Paper,
Iím trying to write a musical in two and a half weeks and Iím a little stuck.

BLANK PAPER
Well, mother fucker,
why donít I give you a crash coarse on how to go from a piece of blank paper to a full-tilt,
boogie, original musical.

JEFF
HuhÖ Wow! An original musical!

BLANK PAPER
Thatís right cracker.
Now there arenít many of us around and itís a long journey, so lets get started.

JEFF
Did you just call me a cracker? Are you being black?

BLANK PAPER
Mother Fucker, I can be anything you want me to be, thatís the point.

JEFF
Oh, so youíre saying that I want you to be black?

BLANK PAPER
Shut your face.

An original musical
Original musical
Those other shows can step to the rear
If you lend me your ear
Iím gonna ease all your fear
And tell you all you need is whatís right up here

JEFF/ BLANK PAPER
I canít decide if youíre trying to be Ben Vereen or/ Shh-conk, shh-conk, shh-conk
Randy Newman./ Pah, Pah, PaÖ

BLANK PAPER
Shut up. You see, a lot of times musicals are based on books like the Scarlet Pimpernel or Lestat.
And other times theyíre based on plays like Picnic, which became Hot September.
But, more recently, musicals have been based on movies like My Favorite Year,
Footloose, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Big, Saturday Night Fever, the Wedding Singer,
the Full Monty, the ProducersÖ (inhales) Thoroughly Modern Millie,
Hairspray, Beauty and the Beast, Billy Elliot, SpamalotÖ

JEFF
Wow! So movies make good musicals?

BLANK PAPER
Well they make musicals.

JEFF
Huh.
Well, Iím trying to write a musical about two guys writing a musical
about two guys writing a musical.

BLANK PAPER
OooÖ that sounds like some crazy shit, bitch.
But itís original and I like that. Sing with me!

JEFF
Okay!

BOTH
An original musical
Original musical

JEFF
Like Kwamina

BLANK PAPER
And Starlight Express

JEFF
My show could be a success

BLANK PAPER
And not a big mess
Like Chess

JEFF
And Iíll make Broadway my eternal address

BLANK PAPER
Oh! Easy, Mother Fucker. Broadway?
Letís start with off or off-off and then you can think about the Great White Way.

JEFF
But, why canít I dream big?

BLANK PAPER
Well, if it was a jukebox musical, a revival, or a recognizable commodity,
Iíd say dream away, bee-otch. But, original?
On Broadway? Baby, that is risky! Unless you got some stars in mind.

JEFF
Well, weíd love to have Alice Ripley, sheís fierce. Hey!
Thatís the first time Iíve ever said the word fierce. Thatís the second!

BLANK PAPER
Player, I mean TV stars, pop stars, movie stars like Tony Braxton and Jenna Elfman.

JEFF
But, I want our show to be good!

BLANK PAPER
You want your ass to make some money!

JEFF
But, I believe that a good product with talented people is the way to go!
Hiring some talent-free celebrity just lowers the
bar and I think audiences deserve better!

BLANK PAPER
Wee-waw, wee-waw, waw, waaawwÖ shit.
Audiences want to see Paris Hilton in the Apple Tree.

JEFF
Who wants to see Paris Hilton in the Apple Tree?

BLANK PAPER
I donít know, a lot of people. Fuck, your ass is crazy Mother Fucker.
But, I fucking like you and you may just be fucking
crazy enough to fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck succeed, fucking, fucking, Mother Fucker.

JEFF
Ow-o-ow! Whatís with all the fowl language?
Is that appropriate or even necessary?

BLANK PAPER
Iím blank paper, your blank paper, make me say something else.
Iíll say whatever you want me to, just put your pen to the
paper and write.

JEFF
Okay! I will! I will! Iíll write!

BLANK PAPER
Now weíre talking!

BOTH
Write that original musical
Original musical
Original in every way

BLANK PAPER
Ooo!

JEFF
It wonít be based on a play
Or a movieÖ

BLANK PAPER
I pray
That Jesus Christ will help you get to Broadway
And you can thank him in you bio someday

JEFF
Wow. People thank Jesus in their bio?

BLANK PAPER
People thank their agents, their casts, and Jesus Christ.

Even though they might be Mormon and gay

JEFF
So, some Mormons are gay?

BLANK PAPER
Sure! Didnít you ever see the national tour of 1776?

Oh, yeah!
Aha-ha!

[Thanks to Jake for lyrics]




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