Prologue/Cantata for a First Date
And the Lord God said, "Let there be light." And there was light.
And the Lord God said, "Let there be man and woman."
And there was man and woman
That night man asked woman if she was busy
And woman said, "Thank you, she'd have to check.
But she's interested in anything long term, she still wants to see other people.
He he he he he he he he he he he he
And man said, "There are no other people"
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
And woman said ok how about this,
We get married, you vow you're eternal love for me,
I expell a bunch of miniature humans
Who are totally depended on us for 18 years.
You get a job, you stay home weekends,
And you never see another women naked for the rest of your life.
And man said
Ah ah ah ah ah
And then thousands
And thousands of years past
And as for man and women...
First date, new romance, clean shirt, pressed pants,
Aftershave, deoderent, electric razor, veloments.
Mouthwash, toothpaste, bring the condoms just in case,
Macho boy, slick the hair, modern man, debonair.
I will splash on must.
I will knot my tie.
And before I go I will check my fly.
It is women who have turned me into this.
A quaff up and dry cleanded guy.
Facial creme from a spa, lingerie, wonder bra,
Hairspray, hairspritz, wax the legs, shave the pits.
Appitite, coy and pert, don't eat much,
No dessert, sweet and low, half and half, smile a lot, fake a laugh.
I have primed and plucked
I have rubbed on nair.
I have spent two hours on my face and hair.
And I did all this for a guy I barely know, and I bet he won't even care.
I'll behave real well. Show her just the good stuff only.
I could weave a spell, if I lie about somethings.
I hope he's mature, unlike every guy I've dated.
Still I will endure, someone somewhere dreams of me.
But I got baggage, emotioal baggage, a plane load of baggage,
That causes much saggage, everybody.
We've got baggage, emotional draggage,
And we've been logging around this baggage a long long time.
Will my hopes be met? Will my fear dispell?
Will I captivate? Or will I repel?
Will I show him/her just how wonderful I am?
Or will I be a date from hell?
First date, new romance, different partner, same dance,
Ready now, almost time, here we go, door bell chime.
All at same time:
Men: Women: (faster)
I'll behave real well Facial creme from a spa
Show her just the lingere wonder bra
good stuff only I hairspray hairspritz
could weave a spell wax the legs shave the
If I lied about some pits. Appatite coy and
things. pert, don't eat much no
dessert, sweet and low
half and half smile a
lot fake a laugh
Here I go once more, fishing for another lover,
One more waiting door, one more very long long shot.
Will this be a waste?
Or will I strike gold?
Will my life be chase?
God, I'm getting old.
(door bell rings)
[Thanks to email@example.com for lyrics]