Feste, Malvolio, The Lunatic Lyrics from "Illyria"
Feste, Malvolio, The Lunatic Lyrics from "Illyria" |
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The Lunatic Lyricsby Feste, Malvolio. From Illyria The Lunatic by Feste, Malvolio FESTE OH, OH, MALVOLIO, MALVOLIO, WHAT A BEWILDERING IMBROGLIO MALVOLIO IS IN. ONE CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER WHETHER THE MAN HAS TRULY SLIPPED HIS TETHER. THE SCENARIO IS TICKLISH. GETTING TO SEE HIM IN THIS PICKLE ISH RIDIKILISH, AND YET, ONE CAN'T HELP BUT FEELING SORY TOO, OOH - FOR POOR MALVOLIO-LIO-LIO. WHAT'LL WE DO WITH YOU? MALVOLIO Fool, you know I've always held you in very high esteem. FESTE Truly? It often seemed to me that you would have gladly had me out of the house. MALVOLIO Oh, never you, good fool. My quarrel was with that damnable Sir Toby. FESTE Shh! Careful what you say. The Holy Father is coming! (FESTE plays the PRIEST) PRIEST MALVOLIO, DOMINUS DIXIT. KYRIE, KYRIE. ALMA MATER. MALVOLIO Father, I'm so glad you're here. I must be allowed to see my lady. PRIEST Silence! (sings) MALVOLIO, WE HAVE BEEN TOLD YOUR MANIFOLD SINS REGARDING THE LADY MALVOLIO, YOU MUST PURGE THIS WICKEDNESS FROM YOUR SOUL. FESTE MALVOLIO, PRIEST MALVOLIO, FESTE MALVOLIO, PRIEST MALVOLIO, WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IS MOST UNHOLY, OH! MALVOLIO, REPENT! FESTE IF I MIGHT ADVISE YOU, FATHER, THE MAN IS MAD - YOU NEEDN'T BOTHER. PRIEST Mad, you say? MALVOLIO No, Father. It's not true. PRIEST Madness is caused by demonic possession. We must perform an exorcism at once. (sings) BEELZEBUB AND LUCIFER! I GIVE YOU WARNING, AS A CRUCIFER, THAT WHO'S EVER INSIDE HAD BETTER GET OUT OF THERE AND QUICK. BEGONE FROM MY MALVOLIO-LIO-LIO. THAT OUGHT TO DO THE TRICK. MALVOLIO Father, I am neither mad, nor possessed, nor anything but terribly wronged - (FESTE plays the JUDGE) JUDGE Where is Malvolio? FESTE He is here, sir. PRIEST Who are you that interrupts my exorcism? JUDGE I am the High Magistrate, sent to make determination on this man's case. He has been charged with lewdness and gaudiness. FESTE But, your Honor, he can't be tried as a criminal. He's crazy! MALVOLIO I'm not crazy! I'm not crazy! A man with your powers of judgment and reason will very easily see that my own are unimpaired. JUDGE Well, we shall very soon determine if that is so. FESTE How? JUDGE WITH A CLEVER LITTLE CATECHISM I'VE DEVISED BY MEANS OF WHICH A SUBJECT MAY BE ANALYZED TO DETERMINE IF HIS REASON HAS BEEN COMPROMISED. MALVOLIO Ask me anything. I will answer you with complete sanity. JUDGE WHAT IS THE COLOR OF THE SKY? MALVOLIO BLUE. JUDGE WHAT IS THE SUM OF ONE AND ONE? MALVOLIO TWO. JUDGE WHAT IS THE SOUND THAT A COW MAKES? MALVOLIO MOO. JUDGE Remarkable - he got them all wrong. FESTE MALVOLIO... JUDGE WHAT IS THE SOUND OF A DOG? MALVOLIO Woof. PRIEST MALVOLIO, AVE MARIA. FESTE ONE CAN'T HELP BUT - PRIEST DEUS EX MACHINA. JUDGE WHAT IS THE SOUND OF AN ANGRY DOG? MALVOLIO Ruff! Ruff! FESTE MALVOLIO... JUDGE WHAT IS THE SOUND OF A DOG WHEN HE HOWLS AT THE MOON? MALVOLIO Owoooo! Ow-ow-owooo! JUDGE Well, gentlemen - I'm afraid the man's a barking lunatic. FESTE OH, MY POOR MALVOLIO, PRIEST MALVOLIO, FESTE MALVOLIO, JUDGE MALVOLIO, FESTE MALVOLIO, PRIEST MALVOLIO, FESTE MALVOLIO, JUDGE MALVOLIO, FESTE MALVOLIO, WHAT'LL WE DO WITH YOU? (speaks) I am good! [Thanks to Sara for lyrics]
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